Monday, March 29, 2010
RE: Through Fading Colors
I just found out that my coloring book is missing. I was planning to create my own coloring book and create a new routine based on what I've been researching recently. Now I have to buy a new coloring book just to use it to create a new one. I'm too lazy to experiment with how to make one and I can't find an online guide. Bummer.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Digressions
I don't have much to do today. I can't pretend either to be doing anything really useful so to keep myself from sleeping I browsed the Amazing Jonathan's website and read some really sick jokes. The bits that made me really laugh are here.
Two morticians were talking and one says, "You HAVE to come into the back room. There's a female corpse back there that has a prawn sticking out of her vagina." The other says," WHAT! You're crazy!" So he goes in the back room and looks. "That's not a Prawn, you idiot! That's her clitoris!" "Gosh, it sure tasted like a prawn!" The other relied.
A guy's screwing this girl and she says, "Excuse me, but isn't it a presumptuous to assume you can screw me on our first date? "Well, yeah" the man replies, "But isn't PRESUMPTUOUS a big word for a first grader to be using?"
A man call into work sick. This is the conversation.
Man: "Boss, I can't come into today. I'm really sick. I've been in bed all day."
Boss: "WHAT! Are you crazy? This is the day we are meeting with our most important account!!"
Man: "Sorry boss, I'm REALLY sick."
Boss: "Just HOW sick can one man be?"
Man: "Well for starters, right now I'm fucking my 5 year old daughter."
An eighteen year old is sucking on the breast of a 90 year old woman when he notices a white milky substance coming from her breast. He says to her, "Hey, aren't you a bit old to have milk in your breasts?" She replies, "Yeah Sonny, but I'm not to old for breasts cancer!"
"Don't you hate it when you're kissing your Grandma and suddenly the coffin lid falls and hits you in the head? Ouch!"
A man comes home drunk one night and so he doesn't get into too much trouble he decides to orally satisfy his wife. He goes under the covers and does the deed. Afterwards, he decides to wash the unpleasant taste from his mouth and goes to the bathroom. Sitting on the toilet seat is his wife. "How the hell did you beat me into the bathroom?" He asks amazed. "SHHHH!" She replied "Quiet, you'll wake mother. She's spending the night!"
Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes. The first man said, "My Benny loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky." The second man said, "My Carl was a fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake. "The third man said, "My Jim was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one more time."
Q: How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?
A: Pick him up and suck his dick.
A girl is at her rape trial and is asked by the judge, "Can you describe for the jury just exactly what the defended did to you Miss?" "Well, your Honor" she replied in a hushed tone, "First he ripped off my blouse and fucked me between my titties. Then he forced me to take off my panties and he fucked me twice in my vagina. Then he ordered me to roll over and he fucked me hard in my ass. Then he came all over my face and my hair!" "And then what'd he do, Miss Smith?" The judge asked. "That's all your Honor." she sobbed. "NO!" cried the judge as he stood up with his hard cock in his hand, "Make SOMETHING UP QUICK!!!!"
I actually saved these jokes to my local pc but I just decided to blog it here lest some moronic network guys also had nothing to do and inspect my pc for stuff like this. :P
Two morticians were talking and one says, "You HAVE to come into the back room. There's a female corpse back there that has a prawn sticking out of her vagina." The other says," WHAT! You're crazy!" So he goes in the back room and looks. "That's not a Prawn, you idiot! That's her clitoris!" "Gosh, it sure tasted like a prawn!" The other relied.
A guy's screwing this girl and she says, "Excuse me, but isn't it a presumptuous to assume you can screw me on our first date? "Well, yeah" the man replies, "But isn't PRESUMPTUOUS a big word for a first grader to be using?"
A man call into work sick. This is the conversation.
Man: "Boss, I can't come into today. I'm really sick. I've been in bed all day."
Boss: "WHAT! Are you crazy? This is the day we are meeting with our most important account!!"
Man: "Sorry boss, I'm REALLY sick."
Boss: "Just HOW sick can one man be?"
Man: "Well for starters, right now I'm fucking my 5 year old daughter."
An eighteen year old is sucking on the breast of a 90 year old woman when he notices a white milky substance coming from her breast. He says to her, "Hey, aren't you a bit old to have milk in your breasts?" She replies, "Yeah Sonny, but I'm not to old for breasts cancer!"
"Don't you hate it when you're kissing your Grandma and suddenly the coffin lid falls and hits you in the head? Ouch!"
A man comes home drunk one night and so he doesn't get into too much trouble he decides to orally satisfy his wife. He goes under the covers and does the deed. Afterwards, he decides to wash the unpleasant taste from his mouth and goes to the bathroom. Sitting on the toilet seat is his wife. "How the hell did you beat me into the bathroom?" He asks amazed. "SHHHH!" She replied "Quiet, you'll wake mother. She's spending the night!"
Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes. The first man said, "My Benny loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky." The second man said, "My Carl was a fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake. "The third man said, "My Jim was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one more time."
Q: How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?
A: Pick him up and suck his dick.
A girl is at her rape trial and is asked by the judge, "Can you describe for the jury just exactly what the defended did to you Miss?" "Well, your Honor" she replied in a hushed tone, "First he ripped off my blouse and fucked me between my titties. Then he forced me to take off my panties and he fucked me twice in my vagina. Then he ordered me to roll over and he fucked me hard in my ass. Then he came all over my face and my hair!" "And then what'd he do, Miss Smith?" The judge asked. "That's all your Honor." she sobbed. "NO!" cried the judge as he stood up with his hard cock in his hand, "Make SOMETHING UP QUICK!!!!"
I actually saved these jokes to my local pc but I just decided to blog it here lest some moronic network guys also had nothing to do and inspect my pc for stuff like this. :P
Dumbass dummy
Do we really need more Wanlu's on TV? It seems that people who call themselves magicians can't get over Wanlu's spotlight, thanks to Talentadong Pinoy, that everyone wants to duplicate his success through a ventriloquism routine. Result: some half-baked act, with a half-witted script for a half-brained performer trying to be another Wanlu in the making.
Come on guys! Wanlu made it this far not because he can hold a puppet and make it appear like his puppet is talking. His routine was a hit because a) not so many vent acts are seen on TV today, b) he has the right attitude for the act he does, and c) his script was quite good. I turn my TV on and see another vent act on channel 2, then change channel and see yet another vent act on 7. Is this becoming a fad for local magicians then? Much like the craze that pearl shake made. I just hope that next time I see another brain fart ventriloquism act on TV, it would be more than like seeing Glenn Quagmire and his larger than life sex doll.
Come on guys! Wanlu made it this far not because he can hold a puppet and make it appear like his puppet is talking. His routine was a hit because a) not so many vent acts are seen on TV today, b) he has the right attitude for the act he does, and c) his script was quite good. I turn my TV on and see another vent act on channel 2, then change channel and see yet another vent act on 7. Is this becoming a fad for local magicians then? Much like the craze that pearl shake made. I just hope that next time I see another brain fart ventriloquism act on TV, it would be more than like seeing Glenn Quagmire and his larger than life sex doll.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Through Fading Colors
It's alreay mid-March and I haven't got a concrete outline yet for my magic show on April 24. Yes for those of you who don't know, I am, or used to be, a magician doing magic shows for kids and psychological illusions for more mature audience.
I'll base my routine mostly on the one I've been doing since time immemorial. I'm just concerned that the coloring book act is getting a bit old and tiring. Not that it's a bad trick. It's just that it seems that everyone (magician) has been doing this and the routine itself has exhausted most of its fun factor because of its wide use. My whole act will sorely miss this part of the routine. Not to mention the fact that buying a prop can sometimes cost an arm and a leg so it's really wise to utilize what you already have.
Or maybe I can breathe new life into this dying trick. I'll give myself a few days to really think of giving new twists and turns to the usual coloring book act. The same way with old songs, I think a cute revival is what I need here. I'll keep my fingers crossed for the meantime.
I'll base my routine mostly on the one I've been doing since time immemorial. I'm just concerned that the coloring book act is getting a bit old and tiring. Not that it's a bad trick. It's just that it seems that everyone (magician) has been doing this and the routine itself has exhausted most of its fun factor because of its wide use. My whole act will sorely miss this part of the routine. Not to mention the fact that buying a prop can sometimes cost an arm and a leg so it's really wise to utilize what you already have.
Or maybe I can breathe new life into this dying trick. I'll give myself a few days to really think of giving new twists and turns to the usual coloring book act. The same way with old songs, I think a cute revival is what I need here. I'll keep my fingers crossed for the meantime.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
The need to feed
I just had a short conversation today with a friend of mine. It's kinda not the nicest exchange of words between supposedly friends so for his benefit and anonymity let's just call him Paul for the sake of this post.
You see Paul recently resigned from his work and may be gagging over the fact that he may be (well at least according to him) sent to the land of opportunity to meet uncle sam (and all those obese americans out there) by his new employer. Not that he is punctual at all with his work hours but so that there will be some sort of intro, I open my daily conversation with him about his being terribly late for the day. I asked him how come he can go to work that late and if he is on a super flexi schedule. He said that "he is already resigned". Me being tactless at times (may be an understatement) told him that he is an ingrate and that he should consider that some companies do background checks on your previous employment. To which he answered "a big so what? I don't need them".
I thought that there was something wrong with his answer and told him that if he doesn't need his new employer then how come he applied and landed a job there. To which he answered "there are many other companies out there and I am not running after them". I wanted to continue the discussion to hear more of his "witty" retorts and so I said to him that companies are not running after him as well. People come and go and it's all about business at the end of the day.
I wanted to discuss more of his reasonings but then I noticed that the conversation is slowly becoming an nonsense argument so I just said to him that he is immature and had some more out of topic sarcasms before he finally went offline for a while and I just thought that we had enough of that topic for the day.
The moment I pointed out that his negative ways, he bacame defensive at once and started deliberating about how he doesn't need his new employer. But the fact remains that he needed that job otherwise he doesn't earn his monthly disposable income. I understand the way he answered "so what" but what turned me off was the way he mentioned that he doesn't need his new employer (which implies he doesn't need his new job as well). I think that was way too misinformed of him to say that. He needs a job. I need a job. Everybody needs a job. That's a simple fact of life he failed to take into account when he blurted "so what". I think it's plain immature of him or for anyone else to be ungrateful to your current employer just because "you have tendered your resignation anyway". Unless of course your employment is mounting with issues after issues. That may be another legal story.
I don't have the perfect employment history but then if I am doing my job, I try my best to do it really well. I wanted a smart exchange of thoughts with him but all I got was his lousy overconfidence. I wanted to remind him that no one is indispensable and all but I don't think he is mature enough to realize that. I am not trying to project myself as the good guy here but I thought his reasoning was really off. Anyway, I just hope that he reads between the lines and realizes that all I was after was to tell him to grow up a little, especially that he is not getting any younger. He is still a friend after all.
You see Paul recently resigned from his work and may be gagging over the fact that he may be (well at least according to him) sent to the land of opportunity to meet uncle sam (and all those obese americans out there) by his new employer. Not that he is punctual at all with his work hours but so that there will be some sort of intro, I open my daily conversation with him about his being terribly late for the day. I asked him how come he can go to work that late and if he is on a super flexi schedule. He said that "he is already resigned". Me being tactless at times (may be an understatement) told him that he is an ingrate and that he should consider that some companies do background checks on your previous employment. To which he answered "a big so what? I don't need them".
I thought that there was something wrong with his answer and told him that if he doesn't need his new employer then how come he applied and landed a job there. To which he answered "there are many other companies out there and I am not running after them". I wanted to continue the discussion to hear more of his "witty" retorts and so I said to him that companies are not running after him as well. People come and go and it's all about business at the end of the day.
I wanted to discuss more of his reasonings but then I noticed that the conversation is slowly becoming an nonsense argument so I just said to him that he is immature and had some more out of topic sarcasms before he finally went offline for a while and I just thought that we had enough of that topic for the day.
The moment I pointed out that his negative ways, he bacame defensive at once and started deliberating about how he doesn't need his new employer. But the fact remains that he needed that job otherwise he doesn't earn his monthly disposable income. I understand the way he answered "so what" but what turned me off was the way he mentioned that he doesn't need his new employer (which implies he doesn't need his new job as well). I think that was way too misinformed of him to say that. He needs a job. I need a job. Everybody needs a job. That's a simple fact of life he failed to take into account when he blurted "so what". I think it's plain immature of him or for anyone else to be ungrateful to your current employer just because "you have tendered your resignation anyway". Unless of course your employment is mounting with issues after issues. That may be another legal story.
I don't have the perfect employment history but then if I am doing my job, I try my best to do it really well. I wanted a smart exchange of thoughts with him but all I got was his lousy overconfidence. I wanted to remind him that no one is indispensable and all but I don't think he is mature enough to realize that. I am not trying to project myself as the good guy here but I thought his reasoning was really off. Anyway, I just hope that he reads between the lines and realizes that all I was after was to tell him to grow up a little, especially that he is not getting any younger. He is still a friend after all.
Disclaimer
1. You will read a lot of cursing here.
2. I don't sugar coat what I say. I will call you a whore if you are whoring around.
3. Not recommended for minors.
4. No anonymous comments. I had the decency to sign up with gmail. Don't be lazy.
5. I won't censor comments as much as possible, unless you're plain stupid or terribly uninformed/misinformed.
6. If you get nightmares because you take my posts too seriously then it's none of my concern. I won't pay for your visits to the psychiatrist. Get a life outside blogging.
7. Don't flood. If you have issues and you want to take it to the next level then email me.
8. Lastly, this is my blog. If you just can't take my words then just go rot in hell. I have no problems with a blog that has no readers.
2. I don't sugar coat what I say. I will call you a whore if you are whoring around.
3. Not recommended for minors.
4. No anonymous comments. I had the decency to sign up with gmail. Don't be lazy.
5. I won't censor comments as much as possible, unless you're plain stupid or terribly uninformed/misinformed.
6. If you get nightmares because you take my posts too seriously then it's none of my concern. I won't pay for your visits to the psychiatrist. Get a life outside blogging.
7. Don't flood. If you have issues and you want to take it to the next level then email me.
8. Lastly, this is my blog. If you just can't take my words then just go rot in hell. I have no problems with a blog that has no readers.
randomize
I just thought of creating a new blog since I can't change the url of the old one (some people can't help making issues with the blog title) and I would like to think this new blog will better reflect my thoughts and takes on random issues.
Let's start the ball rolling then!
Let's start the ball rolling then!
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